He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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