Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
