So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
40s are totally the cure
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
