what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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