and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
