I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
