real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
