so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
