i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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