You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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