im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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