We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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