That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
