is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize