Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
