Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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