Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
