Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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