here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
