What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize