I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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