even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize