honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
