the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
