Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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