It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just made my gag reflex go away.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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