i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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