I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
