I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
barbara walters just said penis...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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