i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
