trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
