I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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