you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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