why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
