They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
