I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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