Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
