Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
