I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
