i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
