i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
