He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
