Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So squirting runs in the family.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
