I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
