This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
