That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
