someone threw a dead crab at me
her vagine was all disorganized.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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