you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
