If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
