halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
