I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
