Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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