he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
