??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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