I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
nutella sex= disaster
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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