she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
