He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
