I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
