just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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