dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
