i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
