I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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