ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
