I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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