Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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